1 00:01:38,114 --> 00:01:40,697 Please don't execute me. 2 00:01:40,698 --> 00:01:44,655 It is such a waste of my lovely woman's body. 3 00:01:44,656 --> 00:01:48,238 I've got years of shagging in me. 4 00:01:48,239 --> 00:01:51,113 Why chop off my head when thou could... 5 00:01:51,114 --> 00:01:55,198 lift up my dress and look at my front bottom? 6 00:01:56,906 --> 00:02:00,322 Phwoar! I'm not gonna kill you! 7 00:02:00,323 --> 00:02:02,822 CHEERING 8 00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:04,530 Sir... 9 00:02:04,531 --> 00:02:06,864 I owe thou a shag. 10 00:02:08,697 --> 00:02:10,072 Oh... 11 00:02:13,114 --> 00:02:15,655 - ALL: - Large! 12 00:02:15,656 --> 00:02:18,239 HE GULPS 13 00:02:20,739 --> 00:02:23,530 Kevin? > 14 00:02:23,531 --> 00:02:26,571 - Kevin! - Wuuurrrgh! 15 00:02:26,572 --> 00:02:31,530 - How's your homework going? - Fine, until you came in. Oh! 16 00:02:31,531 --> 00:02:34,654 Bring this mess down when you come. 17 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:37,821 I'm not your slave! 18 00:02:37,822 --> 00:02:40,863 Don't talk to your mother like that. 19 00:02:40,864 --> 00:02:44,739 MIMICS: Don't talk to your mother like that! 20 00:02:46,155 --> 00:02:47,364 HE SNORTS 21 00:02:51,447 --> 00:02:53,363 Oh... 22 00:02:53,364 --> 00:02:56,030 So unfair... 23 00:03:05,363 --> 00:03:08,821 "Dear diary. Sorry I've never written in you. 24 00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:11,905 "I have higher things on my mind." 25 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:20,946 "If I did write down my thoughts, you would be a bestseller. 26 00:03:20,947 --> 00:03:24,946 "I am a teenage genius, unrecognised by the world. 27 00:03:24,947 --> 00:03:30,029 "The only person who understands me is my best mate Perry." 28 00:03:30,030 --> 00:03:31,695 All right, Kev. 29 00:03:31,696 --> 00:03:35,820 "He is joyful in his understanding of my wisdom." 30 00:03:35,821 --> 00:03:38,029 Your jacket's inside out. 31 00:03:38,030 --> 00:03:42,612 I do know. I don't conform to conventional dress patterns. 32 00:03:42,613 --> 00:03:46,779 "Until Perry met me, he was but a humble peasant, 33 00:03:46,780 --> 00:03:49,946 "but now he is top." 34 00:03:53,905 --> 00:03:55,945 Respect. 35 00:03:55,946 --> 00:04:00,737 "We are only free to express our philosophy through our mixes." 36 00:04:00,738 --> 00:04:02,612 37 00:04:02,613 --> 00:04:04,070 38 00:04:04,071 --> 00:04:05,653 39 00:04:05,654 --> 00:04:07,070 40 00:04:07,071 --> 00:04:09,237 41 00:04:09,238 --> 00:04:10,612 42 00:04:10,613 --> 00:04:13,029 43 00:04:17,988 --> 00:04:20,529 Kevin! Turn it down! 44 00:04:22,279 --> 00:04:24,779 MUSIC GETS LOUDER 45 00:04:29,904 --> 00:04:35,486 "When we are top DJs, my senile parents will surely eat their pants." 46 00:04:35,487 --> 00:04:40,070 - You're a genius, darling! - You certainly proved us wrong. 47 00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:42,987 I sure did. Huh! 48 00:04:44,987 --> 00:04:46,986 Thanks. Will you shag me? 49 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,736 OK. 50 00:04:49,737 --> 00:04:52,946 - GIRLS: - Shag me! 51 00:04:55,362 --> 00:05:00,319 "For, dear diary, there is pain behind my genius. 52 00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:03,319 "My teenage heart is broken. 53 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:07,361 "I've been up for it for three bloody years, 54 00:05:07,362 --> 00:05:11,528 "but no girl has yet let me go the whole way." 55 00:05:11,529 --> 00:05:14,279 HE HOWLS 56 00:05:24,779 --> 00:05:27,403 HOWLING 57 00:05:37,487 --> 00:05:39,695 HOWLING 58 00:05:46,945 --> 00:05:49,820 HOWLING CONTINUES 59 00:05:54,112 --> 00:05:56,652 - You got it? - Yeah. 60 00:05:56,653 --> 00:06:00,528 - I get the goods, you give him that. - Go, go, go. 61 00:06:06,236 --> 00:06:07,570 Go, go, go. 62 00:06:13,945 --> 00:06:16,153 This, please. 63 00:06:17,153 --> 00:06:19,070 Wurrrgh! 64 00:06:31,028 --> 00:06:33,153 £3.99, please. 65 00:06:36,028 --> 00:06:37,403 Thank you! 66 00:06:39,444 --> 00:06:41,569 KEVIN GASPS 67 00:06:49,278 --> 00:06:52,318 You were scared of the pigs. 68 00:06:52,319 --> 00:06:55,401 - I ain't. - They're scared of me. 69 00:06:55,402 --> 00:06:59,026 - I rule this manor. I'm hard. - There's your dad. 70 00:06:59,027 --> 00:07:00,485 KEVIN YELPS 71 00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:01,944 No! 72 00:07:11,152 --> 00:07:12,943 Are you all right, Kevin? 73 00:07:12,944 --> 00:07:16,485 Oh... Hi, Dad. Yeah, fine, thanks. 74 00:07:16,486 --> 00:07:18,193 Why are you lying there? 75 00:07:18,194 --> 00:07:21,444 I'm a bit tired. I need a sleep. 76 00:07:22,444 --> 00:07:25,819 We're knackered, Mr Porno-P-Patterson. 77 00:07:27,319 --> 00:07:28,694 Yawn. 78 00:07:34,735 --> 00:07:37,901 "Debbie from London loves clubbing. 79 00:07:37,902 --> 00:07:42,526 "I go to Ibiza every year for the clubs and the carefree sex. 80 00:07:42,527 --> 00:07:48,276 "It's fantastic. Everyone gets off with everyone else. It is so horny." 81 00:07:48,277 --> 00:07:50,817 - I love her, Kev. - That's it! 82 00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:52,234 What? 83 00:07:52,235 --> 00:07:55,609 We are DJs. Where do DJs go for the summer? 84 00:07:55,610 --> 00:07:56,817 Ibiza. 85 00:07:56,818 --> 00:08:01,442 And all girls who go to Ibiza shag anyone, especially DJs. 86 00:08:01,443 --> 00:08:04,526 So where are we going to go? 87 00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:09,735 Ibiza? What, you think you deserve to go to Ibiza after this? 88 00:08:10,735 --> 00:08:12,234 HE MUMBLES 89 00:08:12,235 --> 00:08:16,984 It's worse than we expected. "Kevin lacks application. 90 00:08:16,985 --> 00:08:18,942 - "Is still a virgin..." - What? 91 00:08:18,943 --> 00:08:24,275 "Is still emerging from a rebellious phase that shows no sign of ending." 92 00:08:24,276 --> 00:08:27,650 - Huh! - It's just awful, isn't it? 93 00:08:27,651 --> 00:08:31,442 What have you got to say for yourself? 94 00:08:31,443 --> 00:08:35,025 So can we go to Ibiza? 95 00:08:35,026 --> 00:08:37,942 I think I've answered that! No! 96 00:08:37,943 --> 00:08:40,984 Oh! That is so unfair! 97 00:08:40,985 --> 00:08:43,484 Mum... 98 00:08:43,485 --> 00:08:45,275 - Perhaps if... - I said no! 99 00:08:45,276 --> 00:08:47,233 Ugh! 100 00:08:47,234 --> 00:08:52,442 - What your father says goes. - Ugh! Ugh! I can't take any more! 101 00:08:52,443 --> 00:08:58,608 I'm adopted! My real parents couldn't possibly treat me like this! 102 00:08:58,609 --> 00:09:00,734 I hate you! 103 00:09:01,776 --> 00:09:02,942 'Scuse me... 104 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:06,608 I'm running away! Goodbye for ever! 105 00:09:06,609 --> 00:09:10,233 - You leave no room to compromise. - DOOR SLAMS 106 00:09:10,234 --> 00:09:14,650 - Compromise with that? - He has nothing to look forward to! 107 00:09:14,651 --> 00:09:19,108 - He deserves it. - He'll be impossible all holiday! 108 00:09:19,109 --> 00:09:24,026 'Scuse me, Mr and Mrs Patterson. Erm... Could I have a jam sandwich? 109 00:09:25,942 --> 00:09:28,526 WHIMPERING 110 00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:37,026 CHURCH ORGAN PLAYS 111 00:09:52,734 --> 00:09:55,566 Kevin left us a note, 112 00:09:55,567 --> 00:09:57,941 to remember him by. 113 00:09:57,942 --> 00:10:02,941 It is typical of the Kevin we all knew, 114 00:10:02,942 --> 00:10:05,274 loved, 115 00:10:05,275 --> 00:10:08,150 and in many cases, shagged. 116 00:10:13,317 --> 00:10:17,816 "I'm killing myself because I'm too good for this world. 117 00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:22,317 "A prophet is never understood in his own land, innit? 118 00:10:24,192 --> 00:10:27,524 "Soft friends, don't be sad. 119 00:10:27,525 --> 00:10:32,524 "I've gone to a better place, where you never have to tidy your room, 120 00:10:32,525 --> 00:10:37,483 "a place where your parents buy you new Nike trainers every week." 121 00:10:40,067 --> 00:10:44,274 "I didn't mean to cause you any pain, Mum... 122 00:10:44,275 --> 00:10:47,941 "but you shouldn't have made me wash." 123 00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:51,691 - SOBBING: - Kevin! 124 00:10:52,691 --> 00:10:54,857 Kevin! 125 00:10:54,858 --> 00:10:59,107 Yeah. I'm dead now. Yeah. 126 00:10:59,108 --> 00:11:01,233 Oh, Kevin! 127 00:11:02,233 --> 00:11:05,358 Kevin, tea's ready! 128 00:11:07,066 --> 00:11:08,315 HE SIGHS 129 00:11:08,316 --> 00:11:09,400 HE FARTS 130 00:11:16,274 --> 00:11:20,773 How nice you've come back. We thought you'd gone for ever. 131 00:11:20,774 --> 00:11:22,608 Eeeuurrrgghhh! 132 00:11:27,399 --> 00:11:31,523 We've decided... that you can both go to Ibiza. 133 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:32,815 BOTH: Come on! 134 00:11:32,816 --> 00:11:36,440 Provided you get a job to pay for it. 135 00:11:36,441 --> 00:11:40,773 What are you talking about? YOU pay for my holidays. 136 00:11:40,774 --> 00:11:43,648 That's what parents are for! 137 00:11:43,649 --> 00:11:48,440 - Our lives are about more than that. - Don't be so ridiculous. 138 00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:51,773 Pass the salt, please, Kevin. 139 00:11:51,774 --> 00:11:54,315 I am not your slave! 140 00:11:54,316 --> 00:11:57,940 This is what happens when you compromise! 141 00:11:57,941 --> 00:12:02,731 Do you know what the trouble with you two is? You're so alike! 142 00:12:02,732 --> 00:12:05,774 BOTH: What?! That is so unfair! 143 00:12:15,232 --> 00:12:19,439 - You want ME to give YOU a job? - Yeah. HE WHISTLES 144 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:20,523 Please. 145 00:12:20,524 --> 00:12:23,314 - Do you know the store? - Yeah. 146 00:12:23,315 --> 00:12:25,064 Where do you find punk? 147 00:12:25,065 --> 00:12:27,357 On my sheets. 148 00:12:34,190 --> 00:12:36,939 Spunk. Pp-pp! 149 00:12:36,940 --> 00:12:39,523 MUSIC: "Ooh La La" by The Wiseguys 150 00:12:41,273 --> 00:12:42,689 151 00:12:42,690 --> 00:12:46,315 152 00:12:48,690 --> 00:12:51,272 153 00:12:51,273 --> 00:12:52,439 154 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:55,147 155 00:12:55,148 --> 00:12:56,481 156 00:12:56,482 --> 00:12:58,731 157 00:12:58,732 --> 00:13:00,981 Finished! 158 00:13:00,982 --> 00:13:05,398 Well done, boys. Here's one for you and one for you. 159 00:13:07,981 --> 00:13:10,981 - Thank you. - Thank you. 160 00:13:14,731 --> 00:13:17,522 We're not cut out for manual work. 161 00:13:17,523 --> 00:13:19,855 Intellectuals aren't. 162 00:13:19,856 --> 00:13:23,147 - I've got too many great thoughts... - Mopeds! 163 00:13:23,148 --> 00:13:24,772 - Cider! - Party! 164 00:13:24,773 --> 00:13:28,315 - I can see her bra! - Bra? Where? Oh, yeah! 165 00:13:29,815 --> 00:13:33,147 MUSIC: "King of Snake" by Fatboy Slim Remix 166 00:13:33,148 --> 00:13:34,730 167 00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:36,730 168 00:13:36,731 --> 00:13:38,355 169 00:13:38,356 --> 00:13:40,022 170 00:13:40,023 --> 00:13:41,647 171 00:13:41,648 --> 00:13:43,855 172 00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:45,230 173 00:13:45,231 --> 00:13:46,480 174 00:13:46,481 --> 00:13:48,647 175 00:13:48,648 --> 00:13:50,981 176 00:14:21,022 --> 00:14:23,563 Oh, man... 177 00:14:23,564 --> 00:14:27,022 Oh... Oh, my head... 178 00:14:52,772 --> 00:14:54,271 SHE GROANS 179 00:14:54,272 --> 00:14:57,147 Oh, hi, baby. 180 00:15:00,730 --> 00:15:06,105 MUSIC: "I'm In The Mood For Love" by Jools Holland featuring Jamiroquai 181 00:15:10,813 --> 00:15:14,229 182 00:15:14,230 --> 00:15:18,354 183 00:15:18,355 --> 00:15:22,396 184 00:15:22,397 --> 00:15:25,563 185 00:15:26,563 --> 00:15:29,729 186 00:15:29,730 --> 00:15:33,146 187 00:15:33,980 --> 00:15:36,730 188 00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:41,104 189 00:15:41,105 --> 00:15:45,145 190 00:15:45,146 --> 00:15:48,730 191 00:15:49,646 --> 00:15:52,520 192 00:15:52,521 --> 00:15:56,396 193 00:16:08,646 --> 00:16:09,938 Experience! 194 00:16:12,229 --> 00:16:14,395 Good morning, Perry. 195 00:16:14,396 --> 00:16:16,938 PERRY CHUCKLES 196 00:16:18,063 --> 00:16:19,854 KEVIN CHUCKLES 197 00:16:24,063 --> 00:16:26,311 - Did you shag her? - Yeah. 198 00:16:26,312 --> 00:16:29,978 - You shagged Sharon? - Only three times. PERRY WHISTLES 199 00:16:29,979 --> 00:16:31,062 Cor. 200 00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:40,771 - So you've done it with a girl, then? - Yeah. I stuck it up her good. 201 00:16:44,146 --> 00:16:47,395 That mean you don't want to go to Ibiza? 202 00:16:47,396 --> 00:16:51,686 Now you don't need to go to Ibiza for a guaranteed shag. 203 00:16:51,687 --> 00:16:54,645 I'll get a shag here, probably. 204 00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:59,811 No, we can still go to Ibiza. I can always do more shagging. 205 00:16:59,812 --> 00:17:05,603 Oh. Thanks, Kev. You're a mate. But how are we going to get the money? 206 00:17:05,604 --> 00:17:08,853 It's all in the mind. We're DJs. 207 00:17:08,854 --> 00:17:12,645 We can earn our money on the street. 208 00:17:24,895 --> 00:17:26,561 209 00:17:26,562 --> 00:17:28,144 210 00:17:28,145 --> 00:17:29,727 211 00:17:29,728 --> 00:17:31,352 212 00:17:31,353 --> 00:17:32,852 213 00:17:32,853 --> 00:17:35,519 214 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,978 - - Hey! 215 00:17:38,978 --> 00:17:40,394 I want a word. 216 00:17:40,395 --> 00:17:43,602 Oh... Hi, darling. How's it going? 217 00:17:43,603 --> 00:17:47,436 - Did you say you shagged me? - No... 218 00:17:47,437 --> 00:17:50,436 Yeah, you bloody did. Stacey heard you. 219 00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:53,602 N-No... I didn't. 220 00:17:53,603 --> 00:17:56,894 I wouldn't shag you, you sad twat. 221 00:17:56,895 --> 00:18:01,353 Say anything like that again and I'll smack ya! Virgin! 222 00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:09,102 You said you shagged her three times. 223 00:18:09,103 --> 00:18:12,435 Shut up! I'm getting outta here. 224 00:18:12,436 --> 00:18:15,728 This place is full of losers. 225 00:18:19,353 --> 00:18:22,353 ALL CHANT: Virgins! Virgins! 226 00:18:34,394 --> 00:18:38,060 Girls here don't appreciate our musical genius. 227 00:18:38,061 --> 00:18:41,685 - What we going to do? - I don't know. 228 00:18:41,686 --> 00:18:45,018 It's all gone Pete Tong. 229 00:18:45,019 --> 00:18:48,102 Registered letter for your father. 230 00:18:48,103 --> 00:18:51,727 - Will you sign for it? - Yeah, sure. 231 00:19:01,769 --> 00:19:03,018 Cheers. 232 00:19:03,019 --> 00:19:05,643 Thank you. 233 00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:09,144 Perry! We're saved! 234 00:19:10,894 --> 00:19:14,393 We get the money and go to Ibiza. Sorted. 235 00:19:14,394 --> 00:19:18,018 It's your dad's credit card. It's stealing. 236 00:19:18,019 --> 00:19:21,269 We'll go to prison and get buggered. 237 00:19:23,185 --> 00:19:25,934 You will. You're small. 238 00:19:25,935 --> 00:19:28,559 I'll be all right. KEVIN GASPS 239 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:31,352 Eurggh! Virgins! 240 00:19:33,102 --> 00:19:38,059 I'm not staying here. We'll pay him back when we're top DJs. 241 00:19:38,060 --> 00:19:40,810 - Are you in or out? - In. 242 00:19:43,352 --> 00:19:46,268 - Aaarrgh! - Shut your noise! 243 00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:49,184 You two! Move, now! Move! 244 00:19:49,185 --> 00:19:52,351 Put your hands up! Keep your mouths shut! 245 00:19:52,352 --> 00:19:55,852 - You! Sit down and put your hands up. - THEY WHIMPER 246 00:19:56,393 --> 00:19:59,310 You, fill that up. 247 00:20:10,768 --> 00:20:12,684 ALARM BLARES 248 00:20:12,685 --> 00:20:15,018 Money, now. Come on! 249 00:20:36,393 --> 00:20:41,017 On behalf of the bank, thank you. Enjoy that reward money. 250 00:20:41,018 --> 00:20:43,100 BOTH: Thank you. 251 00:20:43,101 --> 00:20:46,433 If you want a job, give me a ring. 252 00:20:46,434 --> 00:20:51,433 Banking offers many exciting opportunities for virgins like you. 253 00:20:51,434 --> 00:20:53,933 BOTH: Thank you. Thank you. Eh? 254 00:20:53,934 --> 00:20:56,767 We're very proud of you. 255 00:20:56,768 --> 00:21:00,433 - It was really public spirited. - Kevin... 256 00:21:00,434 --> 00:21:04,392 and public spirited. Never thought I'd hear those words. 257 00:21:04,393 --> 00:21:05,850 Urrghhh... 258 00:21:05,851 --> 00:21:08,934 We've got a present for you. 259 00:21:13,892 --> 00:21:15,558 Thank Dad. 260 00:21:15,559 --> 00:21:16,808 What? 261 00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:20,391 He's paid for our tickets. 262 00:21:20,392 --> 00:21:23,183 What do you mean, "our tickets"? 263 00:21:23,184 --> 00:21:26,350 We're coming, too. 264 00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:29,017 BOTH GASP 265 00:21:30,351 --> 00:21:34,808 - You didn't think you could go on your own? - THEY LAUGH 266 00:21:34,809 --> 00:21:38,601 That is so unfair! Ow! 267 00:21:42,559 --> 00:21:44,892 It's so unfair... 268 00:21:46,184 --> 00:21:49,516 I'd hate to have my head chopped off. 269 00:21:49,517 --> 00:21:53,809 If it was raining, you'd get water in the hole. 270 00:21:54,809 --> 00:21:56,641 Never mind, Kev. 271 00:21:56,642 --> 00:21:58,724 Those bastards! 272 00:21:58,725 --> 00:22:04,100 If they're paying for the flights, we've got more dosh for top gear! 273 00:22:07,434 --> 00:22:09,724 Perry, you're right. 274 00:22:09,725 --> 00:22:11,933 Let us prepare. 275 00:22:19,850 --> 00:22:22,767 276 00:22:34,225 --> 00:22:35,517 277 00:23:38,016 --> 00:23:41,641 Kev! Look! The girls of our dreams! 278 00:24:14,807 --> 00:24:16,681 Boys! 279 00:24:16,682 --> 00:24:19,514 - Over here, now! - Oh! 280 00:24:19,515 --> 00:24:22,723 This is the worst holiday of my life. 281 00:24:22,724 --> 00:24:24,973 Wow, look! 282 00:24:24,974 --> 00:24:28,390 Whoa. The superstar DJ Eyeball Paul. 283 00:24:32,765 --> 00:24:35,722 Tits up, Big Baz. 'Aving it large. 284 00:24:35,723 --> 00:24:38,098 All right, Eyeball Paul? 285 00:24:39,515 --> 00:24:41,264 HE BURPS 286 00:24:41,265 --> 00:24:44,347 - Cool! - Brilliant! 287 00:24:44,348 --> 00:24:47,597 Be careful, you clumsy twat. 288 00:24:47,598 --> 00:24:52,473 Muff, Wankette, you dirty little club babes, get in. 289 00:24:53,473 --> 00:24:57,014 Kevin, Perry! Hurry up, boys! 290 00:24:57,015 --> 00:25:00,764 Your mummy's calling, little boys. Hurry up. 291 00:25:00,765 --> 00:25:04,556 - She is one lippy bitch. - HE LAUGHS 292 00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:08,180 Eyeball Paul's such a nice bloke. 293 00:25:08,181 --> 00:25:11,472 He's our new best mate, isn't he? 294 00:25:11,473 --> 00:25:17,597 If we get him to hear our mixes, he might let us do a set with him. 295 00:25:17,598 --> 00:25:21,347 - And shag his birds. - All the birds we want! 296 00:25:21,348 --> 00:25:24,305 This is the best holiday of my life. 297 00:25:24,306 --> 00:25:25,848 DANCE MUSIC 298 00:25:40,681 --> 00:25:44,931 - See you on the beach. - Huh! I don't think so! 299 00:25:45,598 --> 00:25:50,805 - You've got to go to the beach. - Yeah...but not your beach. 300 00:25:50,806 --> 00:25:55,055 We are going to the beach you don't even know about, 301 00:25:55,056 --> 00:25:57,847 because you're nearly dead. 302 00:25:57,848 --> 00:26:00,763 Mr Patterson, Mrs Patterson. 303 00:26:00,764 --> 00:26:03,430 How dare you speak like that! 304 00:26:03,431 --> 00:26:05,846 - HORN BEEPS - Kevin! 305 00:26:05,847 --> 00:26:07,972 El beacheo! 306 00:26:10,472 --> 00:26:13,472 - Kevin, I'm talking to you! - Wanker! 307 00:26:31,847 --> 00:26:32,971 The beach! 308 00:26:32,972 --> 00:26:35,263 - Banging! - Large! 309 00:26:35,264 --> 00:26:37,222 DANCE MUSIC 310 00:26:54,305 --> 00:26:56,679 Oi, Kev, look! 311 00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:59,721 It's the girls from the airport. 312 00:26:59,722 --> 00:27:02,430 Zoom, zoom, zoom! 313 00:27:06,305 --> 00:27:08,055 BOTH: Ooh... 314 00:27:21,305 --> 00:27:24,596 Let's stand close to them so they get interested. 315 00:27:24,597 --> 00:27:26,847 Good idea. 316 00:27:28,805 --> 00:27:31,762 - Oh. I'm hooked in. - Me, too. 317 00:27:31,763 --> 00:27:34,930 We'll get in the sea to cool off. 318 00:27:55,388 --> 00:27:57,638 SQUELCHING 319 00:28:02,096 --> 00:28:04,429 SQUELCHING 320 00:28:11,763 --> 00:28:12,970 Afternoon, ladies. 321 00:28:12,971 --> 00:28:15,262 How's it hanging, ladies? 322 00:28:15,263 --> 00:28:18,803 A lovely afternoon for the beach, eh, ladies? 323 00:28:18,804 --> 00:28:24,886 Yeah, it's me. Yeah, cos we're going to El Divino tonight, yeah? 324 00:28:24,887 --> 00:28:27,845 - Would you like a drink? - Or Pasha. 325 00:28:27,846 --> 00:28:31,928 - Margarita, no salt, innit, Gemma? - It is, Candice. 326 00:28:31,929 --> 00:28:34,720 Cos Ministry's at Pasha, yeah? 327 00:28:34,721 --> 00:28:37,886 Two margaritas with no salt, please. 328 00:28:37,887 --> 00:28:40,845 Shaken not stirred. 329 00:28:40,846 --> 00:28:43,096 Or Manumission. 330 00:28:44,429 --> 00:28:48,595 - We might go to Manumission tonight. - Or Es Paradise. 331 00:28:48,596 --> 00:28:51,220 Or we might go to Es Paradise. 332 00:28:51,221 --> 00:28:53,053 - Or Privilege. - Or Privilege. 333 00:28:53,054 --> 00:28:56,386 - Or Amnesia. - Or Amnesia. 334 00:28:56,387 --> 00:28:59,408 Cos the tunes there are banging... 335 00:28:59,409 --> 00:29:00,470 PHONE RINGS 336 00:29:04,179 --> 00:29:05,386 Ladies. 337 00:29:05,387 --> 00:29:09,512 Cheers, waiter. Keep the change. 338 00:29:15,970 --> 00:29:19,678 - Very lovely ladies, aren't they? - Very lovely. 339 00:29:19,679 --> 00:29:24,094 - What's my chubby babe called? - Gemma. Mine's Candice. 340 00:29:24,095 --> 00:29:28,969 - Gemma's got a lovely personality. - Candice is so interesting. 341 00:29:28,970 --> 00:29:31,719 I think they love us, Kev. 342 00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:34,387 DANCE MUSIC 343 00:29:38,012 --> 00:29:39,719 The evening begins. 344 00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:44,012 Superstar DJs Kev P and Perr E hit the town. 345 00:29:47,012 --> 00:29:50,261 Cor, yeah. Trannies! Ugh! 346 00:29:50,262 --> 00:29:52,552 Wooh! Urgh! 347 00:29:52,553 --> 00:29:55,635 - LOUD FOOTSTEPS - What the bloody hell's that? 348 00:29:55,636 --> 00:29:57,761 Germans! 349 00:30:06,595 --> 00:30:09,135 Here, Kev, look. 350 00:30:09,136 --> 00:30:15,469 Tonight Gemma is going to see what is down my trousers. 351 00:30:15,470 --> 00:30:20,177 What is down my trousers? Would you like a look? 352 00:30:20,178 --> 00:30:24,177 353 00:30:24,178 --> 00:30:26,635 354 00:30:26,636 --> 00:30:31,511 - HE LAUGHS - Gemma! Lick my lurve plank. Mmm! 355 00:30:33,761 --> 00:30:36,886 Candice, suck my candy. 356 00:30:39,053 --> 00:30:40,968 Oh, look - snoggers. 357 00:30:40,969 --> 00:30:42,093 Eh? 358 00:30:42,094 --> 00:30:44,469 Cor... 359 00:30:45,469 --> 00:30:48,093 Urgh! 360 00:30:48,094 --> 00:30:50,927 SPANISH MUSIC PLAYS 361 00:30:59,052 --> 00:31:01,219 Isn't this fun? 362 00:31:03,052 --> 00:31:05,718 Now, what would you boys like? 363 00:31:05,719 --> 00:31:08,843 - I am not hungry. - Come on, Son. 364 00:31:08,844 --> 00:31:12,968 You'll need energy if you want to go bopping. 365 00:31:12,969 --> 00:31:15,094 HE GROANS 366 00:31:16,386 --> 00:31:19,676 - We'll order for everybody, shall we? - Good idea. 367 00:31:19,677 --> 00:31:24,759 Er, como el primo plato quisiera tapas. Una mezcla, por favour. 368 00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:28,259 Y despues una gran paella por todo? 369 00:31:28,260 --> 00:31:32,968 Una necesita se fuerte para hacer el amor, cara mia. 370 00:31:32,969 --> 00:31:35,176 KEVIN RETCHES 371 00:31:35,177 --> 00:31:36,260 PERRY GROANS 372 00:31:39,094 --> 00:31:42,094 The table's a bit wobbly. 373 00:31:43,177 --> 00:31:47,301 We need a wedge. Pass me that beer mat, sexy pants. 374 00:31:47,302 --> 00:31:48,885 Oh, for God's sake! 375 00:31:52,218 --> 00:31:54,760 Hasta banana, Mrs Patterson. 376 00:32:04,510 --> 00:32:08,884 - What a couple of wankers! - Yeah, we are, ain't we? 377 00:32:08,885 --> 00:32:13,009 - No, my parents! - Oh, yeah. Sorry. 378 00:32:13,010 --> 00:32:15,468 DANCE MUSIC 379 00:32:24,426 --> 00:32:27,050 - Cool! - Rinsin'! 380 00:32:27,051 --> 00:32:28,718 Large! 381 00:32:32,218 --> 00:32:34,551 BOTH: Eyeball Paul! 382 00:32:40,801 --> 00:32:44,051 Come on, Big Baz. Shift, you fat tart. 383 00:32:46,134 --> 00:32:47,592 All right, Eyeball Paul! 384 00:32:47,593 --> 00:32:50,675 It's the little wankers from the airport. 385 00:32:50,676 --> 00:32:53,343 BOTH LAUGH 386 00:32:55,843 --> 00:32:59,383 - Are you here tonight? - How's your mummy, Ginger Pubes? 387 00:32:59,384 --> 00:33:02,676 HE LAUGHS She's a bitch! 388 00:33:04,051 --> 00:33:07,426 Don't stand there. Give him a hand. 389 00:33:08,634 --> 00:33:11,758 - Thanks very much. - Ginger Pubes! 390 00:33:11,759 --> 00:33:14,467 And you, Sad Act. 391 00:33:25,342 --> 00:33:26,508 Ladies. 392 00:33:26,509 --> 00:33:28,551 Ladies. 393 00:33:29,634 --> 00:33:31,591 Eyeball Paul? 394 00:33:31,592 --> 00:33:35,216 - What do you want? - We done some mixes of our own. 395 00:33:35,217 --> 00:33:38,258 - What, you and Sad Act? - Yeah. 396 00:33:38,259 --> 00:33:43,716 I don't suppose we could play them for you some time? No? All right, then. 397 00:33:43,717 --> 00:33:46,466 - So you're brother DJs? - Yeah. 398 00:33:46,467 --> 00:33:49,758 What tunes you got? What beats you into? 399 00:33:49,759 --> 00:33:51,341 Well, erm... 400 00:33:51,342 --> 00:33:52,591 House or garage? 401 00:33:52,592 --> 00:33:55,466 House... 402 00:33:55,467 --> 00:33:58,508 Acid house or pumping house? 403 00:33:58,509 --> 00:34:00,675 Er... Pumping house? 404 00:34:03,634 --> 00:34:07,300 Balearic pumping or commercial pumping? 405 00:34:07,301 --> 00:34:08,467 Balearic pumping. 406 00:34:10,300 --> 00:34:13,466 - Sash or Chicane? - Sash! 407 00:34:13,467 --> 00:34:15,342 HE LAUGHS 408 00:34:17,592 --> 00:34:21,592 Boys, these blaggers are pants! 409 00:34:22,717 --> 00:34:24,883 KEVIN LAUGHS 410 00:34:27,383 --> 00:34:32,050 Yeah, I'll hear your mix. My pad tomorrow. 411 00:34:33,217 --> 00:34:36,674 - Be there. - Oooh! 412 00:34:36,675 --> 00:34:39,215 Fuck off! 413 00:34:39,216 --> 00:34:41,882 - Thanks, Eyeball Paul. - Thank you. 414 00:34:41,883 --> 00:34:46,549 - Oh, he's such a nice bloke. - Brilliant. We're gonna be DJs! 415 00:34:46,550 --> 00:34:49,008 DANCE MUSIC 416 00:35:48,257 --> 00:35:50,131 Sorry, girls. 417 00:35:50,132 --> 00:35:52,631 No monsters. 418 00:35:52,632 --> 00:35:56,090 Beautiful people can pass. 419 00:35:56,091 --> 00:35:58,673 But monsters - no. 420 00:35:58,674 --> 00:36:00,631 Do you understand? 421 00:36:00,632 --> 00:36:05,840 Look. Your faces - Urrrgh! - offend my mirror. 422 00:36:08,257 --> 00:36:11,590 Go on. Go on. 423 00:36:16,215 --> 00:36:20,424 - Cos I didn't want to go, anyway. - Yeah, me, neither. 424 00:36:21,924 --> 00:36:26,214 Maybe tomorrow, I'm going to have a makeover with Boots beauty products. 425 00:36:26,215 --> 00:36:27,631 Yeah, and me. 426 00:36:27,632 --> 00:36:32,798 Them boys can get us in cos they're mates with Eyeball Paul, innit? 427 00:36:32,799 --> 00:36:34,797 Yeah. Best mates. 428 00:36:34,798 --> 00:36:37,298 DANCE MUSIC 429 00:37:37,589 --> 00:37:40,610 Oh, man, that was banging. 430 00:37:40,611 --> 00:37:42,088 Eyeball Paul plays hammering tunes. 431 00:37:42,089 --> 00:37:47,005 - What happened to our ladies? - You've got to be sorted to get in. 432 00:37:47,006 --> 00:37:51,338 - We're gonna be loved-up DJs. - We're having it large! 433 00:37:51,339 --> 00:37:54,213 - We've been up all night! - We bleached it! 434 00:37:54,214 --> 00:37:58,505 If we get the girls in, we'll be up all night shagging... 435 00:37:58,506 --> 00:38:02,171 Oh, my God! Hello, Perry. 436 00:38:02,172 --> 00:38:04,880 PERRY GIGGLES Eeeeurrrrgh! 437 00:38:04,881 --> 00:38:07,963 - Hello, darling. - Had a good night? 438 00:38:07,964 --> 00:38:10,631 You are disgusting! 439 00:38:12,464 --> 00:38:15,547 Mrs Patterson, you cheeky girl. 440 00:38:23,339 --> 00:38:25,339 Phwoar! 441 00:38:30,339 --> 00:38:34,713 - Your mum and dad were doing it. - That is disgusting! 442 00:38:34,714 --> 00:38:39,005 They do not do it. They've only ever done it once. 443 00:38:41,047 --> 00:38:44,171 Sorry, darling, we'll have to do it. 444 00:38:44,172 --> 00:38:47,004 Do it? What a revolting thought. 445 00:38:47,005 --> 00:38:51,671 It's the only way if you're to have the world's greatest DJ. 446 00:38:51,672 --> 00:38:54,505 I'll turn out the light. 447 00:38:56,464 --> 00:38:58,880 - Ouch! - Sorry. 448 00:39:02,713 --> 00:39:05,755 - Thank God that's over. - Never again. 449 00:39:07,172 --> 00:39:09,879 Brrrr! 450 00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:14,505 - What's up, Kev? - I just had a revolting thought. 451 00:39:21,047 --> 00:39:24,671 We'll be doing that with Candice and Gemma. 452 00:39:24,672 --> 00:39:29,379 - Oh! Oh! > - We'll be doing what they're doing. 453 00:39:29,380 --> 00:39:31,462 Oh, Ray! > 454 00:39:31,463 --> 00:39:33,587 Won't we, Kev? 455 00:39:33,588 --> 00:39:36,170 Oh, Ray! Oh! Oh! > 456 00:39:36,171 --> 00:39:37,712 Won't we, Kev? 457 00:39:37,713 --> 00:39:40,254 Oh! Oh! > 458 00:39:40,255 --> 00:39:41,545 Won't we, Kev? 459 00:39:41,546 --> 00:39:44,088 Oh! Oh, Ray! > 460 00:39:45,088 --> 00:39:46,463 Won't we, Kev? 461 00:39:46,464 --> 00:39:47,587 Doing what? 462 00:39:47,588 --> 00:39:51,587 - Shagging, like your parents. - They are not shagging. 463 00:39:51,588 --> 00:39:54,295 LOUD BANGING AND SCREAMING 464 00:39:54,296 --> 00:39:55,628 Eurrrghhhh! 465 00:39:55,629 --> 00:39:58,128 SCREAMING AND GROANING 466 00:39:58,129 --> 00:40:00,295 GROWLING 467 00:40:00,296 --> 00:40:03,587 468 00:40:03,588 --> 00:40:05,670 469 00:40:05,671 --> 00:40:07,753 - BOTH: - 470 00:40:07,754 --> 00:40:10,253 471 00:40:10,254 --> 00:40:12,879 - BOTH: - 472 00:40:14,546 --> 00:40:17,253 Never ever sing that again! 473 00:40:17,254 --> 00:40:20,253 - We like Oasis. - You do not! 474 00:40:20,254 --> 00:40:23,921 You're all saggy! You've never heard of Oasis! 475 00:40:26,296 --> 00:40:30,254 Morning, Perry. What's up with Prince Charming? 476 00:40:30,255 --> 00:40:31,754 Mrs Patterson. 477 00:40:34,337 --> 00:40:37,171 Bucks fizz, Mrs Five Times? 478 00:40:41,296 --> 00:40:43,878 Ooh, Ray! 479 00:40:43,879 --> 00:40:47,004 - Shut up, Perry! - Sorry, Kev. 480 00:40:50,296 --> 00:40:52,712 - Cool! - I rinsed! 481 00:40:55,295 --> 00:40:57,545 Come in. 482 00:41:05,545 --> 00:41:09,753 Look who it is. Ginger Pubes and Sad Act. 483 00:41:09,754 --> 00:41:12,170 - All right? - Eyeball Paul. 484 00:41:13,504 --> 00:41:15,629 We done a bit of a mix... 485 00:41:20,378 --> 00:41:22,795 Twat! 486 00:41:24,712 --> 00:41:27,294 Gets into your bloodstream quicker. 487 00:41:27,295 --> 00:41:30,377 - Cool! - I rinsed. 488 00:41:30,378 --> 00:41:31,836 Come on! 489 00:41:31,837 --> 00:41:33,169 You were saying? 490 00:41:33,170 --> 00:41:36,669 Yeah, erm... We done a mix. 491 00:41:36,670 --> 00:41:42,086 First of all, lads, I thought I might give my bathroom a paint. 492 00:41:42,087 --> 00:41:43,961 Fancy giving us a hand? 493 00:41:43,962 --> 00:41:46,877 - Love to! - Sorted. 494 00:41:46,878 --> 00:41:49,960 Brushes are in the kitchen. 495 00:41:49,961 --> 00:41:53,045 - Great! - Oh, and lads... 496 00:41:55,711 --> 00:41:59,835 You'll see I've just had a banging shit in the bog. 497 00:41:59,836 --> 00:42:02,586 You might have to push it down. 498 00:42:04,961 --> 00:42:07,961 No problem. Thanks very much. 499 00:42:16,170 --> 00:42:20,543 Eyeball Paul is so nice letting us do all that work. 500 00:42:20,544 --> 00:42:23,460 Shame we didn't have a bog brush. 501 00:42:23,461 --> 00:42:26,878 It was so kind to give us these! 502 00:42:27,878 --> 00:42:31,252 Shame his tape machine was bust. 503 00:42:31,253 --> 00:42:36,210 He did say he'd listen tomorrow, when we go to wash his pants. 504 00:42:36,211 --> 00:42:39,335 He's such a rinsin' geezer. 505 00:42:39,336 --> 00:42:41,461 - Rinsin'. - Rinsin'! 506 00:42:44,128 --> 00:42:46,336 MUSIC ON PERSONAL STEREO 507 00:42:59,044 --> 00:43:01,751 I GOT AN IDEA! 508 00:43:01,752 --> 00:43:06,876 WHAT WE'LL DO IS WALK UP TO THE GIRLS AND IGNORE THEM. 509 00:43:06,877 --> 00:43:09,585 AND THEY'LL BE REALLY SAD. 510 00:43:09,586 --> 00:43:14,043 AND THEN, WE'LL TURN ROUND AND GO, "OH, HELLO, LADIES." 511 00:43:14,044 --> 00:43:17,376 AND THEY'LL BE OVERJOYED. 512 00:43:17,377 --> 00:43:21,001 I LOVE MY BLUBBERY BABY SO MUCH, KEV. 513 00:43:21,002 --> 00:43:24,043 SHE'S GOT LOVELY, BOUNCY BOOBIES. LOOK! 514 00:43:24,044 --> 00:43:27,335 BOTH GRUNT 515 00:43:30,127 --> 00:43:32,418 THEY GRUNT 516 00:43:32,419 --> 00:43:34,251 WHAT YOU STOPPED FOR? 517 00:43:34,252 --> 00:43:36,959 - I'M HAVING A PISS. - URGH! 518 00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:38,334 ALL GROAN 519 00:43:38,335 --> 00:43:41,418 YOU'VE GOTTA PISS IN THE SEA. IT'S LAW. 520 00:43:41,419 --> 00:43:44,418 GROANS FROM BEACH 521 00:43:52,418 --> 00:43:55,459 - IT'S A FLOATER! ALL: - Urrrgh! 522 00:43:55,460 --> 00:43:58,543 Wurrrrrgggh! 523 00:44:01,002 --> 00:44:03,335 524 00:44:15,876 --> 00:44:19,001 Do you think Gemma saw my poo? 525 00:44:20,001 --> 00:44:23,126 I wouldn't mind seeing Gemma's poo. 526 00:44:25,835 --> 00:44:28,584 Candice and Gemma do not poo. 527 00:44:28,585 --> 00:44:31,460 What, like Baby Spice? 528 00:44:34,043 --> 00:44:38,251 Now we'll have to think of something to impress them. 529 00:44:42,418 --> 00:44:44,543 THE GIRLS LAUGH 530 00:44:51,584 --> 00:44:54,292 Afternoon, ladies! 531 00:44:54,293 --> 00:44:56,750 - Ladies. - TYRES SCREECH 532 00:44:56,751 --> 00:44:58,876 CRASH! 533 00:45:02,001 --> 00:45:06,001 - Been shopping, ladies? - Lovely afternoon, ladies. 534 00:45:09,834 --> 00:45:12,416 - They was impressed. - Definitely. 535 00:45:12,417 --> 00:45:16,041 Candice almost looked at me. Gagging for it. 536 00:45:16,042 --> 00:45:20,250 Gemma was, too. Definitely, maybe, gagging for it. 537 00:45:20,251 --> 00:45:23,000 - Gagging for it. Large! - Hello! 538 00:45:23,001 --> 00:45:26,083 - Urrrgh! - Mr and Mrs Patterson. 539 00:45:26,084 --> 00:45:29,126 Let's get ready, Ginger Pubes. 540 00:45:29,127 --> 00:45:30,375 - Perry! - Eh? 541 00:45:30,376 --> 00:45:33,417 - Don't call Kevin that. - Sorry. 542 00:45:38,001 --> 00:45:40,584 - Strict. - HE GROWLS 543 00:45:41,584 --> 00:45:47,249 - They've gotta get us in tonight. - Yeah, so we've gotta be friendly. 544 00:45:47,250 --> 00:45:51,834 - If we ask in a friendly fashion. - Yeah. Nicely and politely. 545 00:45:53,625 --> 00:45:55,500 BOTH WHISTLE 546 00:45:59,292 --> 00:46:02,208 - IN A POSH ACCENT: Oh! Ladies! - Ladies. 547 00:46:02,209 --> 00:46:03,416 Ho ho ho! 548 00:46:03,417 --> 00:46:06,166 Of all the bars in all the world... 549 00:46:06,167 --> 00:46:10,291 - You going to Amnesia tonight? - You get us in, innit? 550 00:46:10,292 --> 00:46:13,000 Are you deaf or summink? 551 00:46:15,750 --> 00:46:22,166 It would be a great pleasure to escort you lady babes to Amnesia. 552 00:46:22,167 --> 00:46:25,207 We are mates with Eyeball Paul. 553 00:46:25,208 --> 00:46:26,417 - BOTH: - We know! 554 00:46:34,250 --> 00:46:36,791 Well, come on, then! 555 00:46:46,625 --> 00:46:48,332 Wait here! 556 00:46:48,333 --> 00:46:51,499 BOTH: Sorted! 557 00:46:51,500 --> 00:46:54,250 MUSIC: "The Look of Love" by Gladys Knight 558 00:47:02,833 --> 00:47:03,915 559 00:47:03,916 --> 00:47:05,498 SPLAT! 560 00:47:05,499 --> 00:47:08,248 - - SPLAT! 561 00:47:08,249 --> 00:47:09,748 562 00:47:09,749 --> 00:47:12,583 SPLAT! 563 00:47:13,624 --> 00:47:23,166 564 00:47:24,999 --> 00:47:31,457 565 00:47:31,458 --> 00:47:39,416 566 00:47:43,416 --> 00:47:50,665 567 00:47:50,666 --> 00:47:53,248 SHE GASPS 568 00:47:53,249 --> 00:47:55,831 - - SHE SCREAMS 569 00:47:55,832 --> 00:47:58,790 - - SHE SCREAMS 570 00:47:58,791 --> 00:48:02,290 571 00:48:02,291 --> 00:48:05,123 572 00:48:05,124 --> 00:48:06,998 573 00:48:06,999 --> 00:48:10,040 How long have they been? 574 00:48:11,040 --> 00:48:14,040 - Only four hours. - Not too long. 575 00:48:15,582 --> 00:48:20,665 576 00:48:21,290 --> 00:48:29,040 577 00:48:30,665 --> 00:48:33,039 Come on, then! 578 00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:38,207 579 00:48:41,248 --> 00:48:44,247 Oh, no, sorry, girls. 580 00:48:44,248 --> 00:48:46,582 No monsters. 581 00:48:47,832 --> 00:48:49,706 Look... 582 00:48:49,707 --> 00:48:52,916 Eyeball Paul! How you having it? 583 00:48:52,917 --> 00:48:54,123 Large. 584 00:48:55,665 --> 00:48:57,707 Large. 585 00:48:58,998 --> 00:49:01,706 DANCE MUSIC 586 00:49:21,373 --> 00:49:23,956 - What are these? - I don't know. 587 00:49:54,206 --> 00:49:55,289 Ladies. 588 00:49:57,123 --> 00:49:59,414 CROWD SCREAMS 589 00:50:02,039 --> 00:50:05,163 CROWD GROANS 590 00:50:05,164 --> 00:50:07,456 MUSIC FADES 591 00:50:09,372 --> 00:50:11,081 Sorry, mate. 592 00:50:12,831 --> 00:50:15,039 CROWD GROANS 593 00:50:20,914 --> 00:50:23,372 - Good night, ladies. - Good night, ladies. 594 00:50:30,289 --> 00:50:33,288 Good night, man in a suitcase. 595 00:50:33,289 --> 00:50:36,288 Good night, part-man part-luggage. 596 00:50:36,289 --> 00:50:40,538 - Good night, Germans. - Good night, Germans. 597 00:50:40,539 --> 00:50:44,246 MUSIC BUILDS 598 00:50:44,247 --> 00:50:46,621 HE LAUGHS 599 00:50:46,622 --> 00:50:48,997 DANCE MUSIC CONTINUES 600 00:51:34,330 --> 00:51:40,245 Maybe we shouldn't have left. Maybe the girls wouldn't have minded. 601 00:51:40,246 --> 00:51:42,704 They would have minded. 602 00:51:42,705 --> 00:51:47,496 I wouldn't mind Gemma covered in puke. I'd still shag her. 603 00:51:50,455 --> 00:51:54,787 We've still got time. I think they love us. 604 00:51:54,788 --> 00:51:59,287 When Eyeball Paul plays our mix, they'll love us for ever. 605 00:51:59,288 --> 00:52:02,287 Everything's gonna be all right, innit? 606 00:52:02,288 --> 00:52:04,871 Kev? 607 00:52:06,538 --> 00:52:09,746 CREAKING AND MOANING 608 00:52:11,788 --> 00:52:14,329 'Oh! Oh! 609 00:52:18,288 --> 00:52:21,036 'Oh! Oh, Ray! 610 00:52:21,038 --> 00:52:24,787 'Oh, Ray! Oh! Oh! 611 00:52:32,079 --> 00:52:35,662 'Oh, Ray! Oh! Oh!' 612 00:52:47,287 --> 00:52:49,746 Go on, Mrs Patterson. 613 00:52:51,787 --> 00:52:54,079 - 'Oh! Oh!' - SHE SCREAMS 614 00:52:55,079 --> 00:52:56,995 Urrrgh! 615 00:52:58,870 --> 00:53:01,119 I'm sorry... 616 00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:03,787 I'm so sorry... 617 00:53:08,287 --> 00:53:11,744 'Oh! Oh, Ray! 618 00:53:11,745 --> 00:53:13,912 'Oh! Oh! Oh, Ray!' 619 00:53:19,620 --> 00:53:22,953 SCRUBBING 620 00:53:31,203 --> 00:53:33,933 How's it going, Sad Act? 621 00:53:33,934 --> 00:53:35,202 Very well, thanks. 622 00:53:35,203 --> 00:53:40,952 - Have you got that tape, then? - Yeah. It's in our beach bag. 623 00:53:40,953 --> 00:53:45,327 Don't worry. I'll find it. You carry on scrubbing. 624 00:53:45,328 --> 00:53:47,620 - Right. - Thanks. 625 00:53:49,286 --> 00:53:51,411 He's gonna listen to our tape! 626 00:53:53,453 --> 00:53:55,911 PERRY FARTS 627 00:53:59,286 --> 00:54:01,620 628 00:54:25,703 --> 00:54:28,827 - This is well hammering! - Hammering! 629 00:54:28,828 --> 00:54:33,661 Tits up! Talk about having it large! 630 00:54:35,411 --> 00:54:37,993 - Boys! - Eyeball Paul? 631 00:54:37,994 --> 00:54:41,410 - I like the tape. - Yeah? 632 00:54:41,411 --> 00:54:45,868 I thought I might play it again, large. Fancy joining me? 633 00:54:45,869 --> 00:54:49,160 - Oh, yeah, sure! - Ah-ah-ah! Finish the floor. 634 00:54:49,161 --> 00:54:51,119 - Oh, yeah. - Course. 635 00:55:07,411 --> 00:55:09,368 Finished, Eyeball Paul. 636 00:55:09,369 --> 00:55:12,201 HE GASPS 637 00:55:12,202 --> 00:55:14,660 Twat! 638 00:55:15,702 --> 00:55:19,369 - Sit yourselves down, lads. - Hello, Big Baz. 639 00:55:20,577 --> 00:55:23,993 - All right, lovely ladies? - Watch this. 640 00:55:23,994 --> 00:55:26,493 You might learn a trick or two. 641 00:55:26,494 --> 00:55:29,660 - You mean listen. - No. No. Watch. 642 00:55:33,035 --> 00:55:34,784 'Oh... 643 00:55:34,785 --> 00:55:37,159 'Oh, Ray! Oh!' 644 00:55:37,160 --> 00:55:38,827 HE LAUGHS 645 00:55:40,869 --> 00:55:42,742 Eh? 646 00:55:42,743 --> 00:55:45,201 - Noooooo! - I'm sorry, Kev! 647 00:55:45,202 --> 00:55:48,285 Perry, you bloody pervert! 648 00:55:49,535 --> 00:55:51,326 Can we have our tape back? 649 00:55:51,327 --> 00:55:55,617 She's a randy bitch, your mam, isn't she, eh? 650 00:55:55,618 --> 00:55:58,534 Banging tits for an old bird. 651 00:55:58,535 --> 00:56:00,452 Noooooo! 652 00:56:04,743 --> 00:56:06,742 Kev! 653 00:56:06,743 --> 00:56:09,617 Give him his tape back, boss. 654 00:56:09,618 --> 00:56:12,200 Shut up, you soft twat! 655 00:56:12,201 --> 00:56:16,659 Kev! Kev! I'm sorry, mate. 656 00:56:16,660 --> 00:56:22,950 You are not my mate and you are not my fellow DJ! Goodbye for ever! 657 00:56:22,951 --> 00:56:25,575 MUSIC: "Kid 2000" - Hybrid featuring Chrissie Hynde 658 00:56:25,576 --> 00:56:28,992 659 00:56:28,993 --> 00:56:32,617 660 00:56:32,618 --> 00:56:35,200 661 00:56:35,201 --> 00:56:39,493 662 00:56:41,409 --> 00:56:43,908 663 00:56:43,909 --> 00:56:46,743 664 00:56:48,284 --> 00:56:50,034 665 00:56:51,534 --> 00:56:53,701 666 00:57:07,284 --> 00:57:10,116 667 00:57:10,117 --> 00:57:11,991 668 00:57:11,992 --> 00:57:13,575 669 00:57:13,576 --> 00:57:17,741 670 00:57:17,742 --> 00:57:20,367 - Need an 'and? - OK. 671 00:57:22,451 --> 00:57:25,116 672 00:57:25,117 --> 00:57:29,616 673 00:57:29,617 --> 00:57:32,575 674 00:57:32,576 --> 00:57:35,033 675 00:57:35,034 --> 00:57:39,116 676 00:57:39,117 --> 00:57:42,199 677 00:57:42,200 --> 00:57:48,075 678 00:58:02,367 --> 00:58:04,867 SOBBING 679 00:58:13,117 --> 00:58:14,616 KEVIN SOBS 680 00:58:14,617 --> 00:58:17,199 What's up, love? 681 00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:20,742 I...want...to go home. 682 00:58:21,742 --> 00:58:24,907 Oh, dear. Have you had a row with Perry? 683 00:58:24,908 --> 00:58:28,032 Yeah... 684 00:58:28,033 --> 00:58:31,179 Would you like a cup of tea? 685 00:58:31,180 --> 00:58:32,658 Yes, please, Dad! 686 00:58:35,033 --> 00:58:38,366 Oh, love. Everything will be all right. 687 00:58:40,825 --> 00:58:43,949 I've put the kettle on. 688 00:58:43,950 --> 00:58:46,782 Thanks, Dad. 689 00:58:46,783 --> 00:58:51,490 Tell you what, why don't we go out for a meal? Would you like that? 690 00:58:51,491 --> 00:58:54,199 Yeah. 691 00:58:54,200 --> 00:58:57,324 Let's smarten up and go out. 692 00:58:57,325 --> 00:59:00,033 Yeah. HE SOBS 693 00:59:05,783 --> 00:59:08,532 Oi! 694 00:59:08,533 --> 00:59:12,032 What happened last night was well bad! 695 00:59:12,033 --> 00:59:14,657 - What happened? - He got puked on. 696 00:59:14,658 --> 00:59:17,907 - What a bummer. - You all right? 697 00:59:17,908 --> 00:59:22,532 - Is he your boyfriend? - No, he's my boyfriend. 698 00:59:22,533 --> 00:59:24,865 - HE CHUCKLES - Bum boys. 699 00:59:24,866 --> 00:59:27,240 Nah, gay lovers. 700 00:59:27,241 --> 00:59:30,032 - Sorry. - Is that your sand castle? 701 00:59:30,033 --> 00:59:33,948 Yeah... No. I was just helping the little kid. 702 00:59:33,949 --> 00:59:37,324 - It's beautiful. - Perry's artistic. 703 00:59:39,616 --> 00:59:42,532 You've got a sensitive nature. 704 00:59:47,699 --> 00:59:49,656 Where's Kevin, is it? 705 00:59:49,657 --> 00:59:51,615 Er... Yeah. I don't know. 706 00:59:51,616 --> 00:59:53,781 He's all right. 707 00:59:53,782 --> 00:59:57,531 We're clubbing with you tonight, yeah? 708 00:59:57,532 --> 00:59:59,573 Yeah... 709 00:59:59,574 --> 01:00:01,364 Later. 710 01:00:01,365 --> 01:00:03,115 Later. 711 01:00:04,865 --> 01:00:07,407 See you later, big boy. 712 01:00:13,740 --> 01:00:15,448 Where we going? 713 01:00:15,449 --> 01:00:18,865 I've gotta go home. See you later. 714 01:00:34,865 --> 01:00:36,156 Oi, Sad Act! 715 01:00:36,157 --> 01:00:39,197 - Eyeball Paul. - You forgot this. 716 01:00:39,198 --> 01:00:41,614 And this. 717 01:00:41,615 --> 01:00:43,782 Oh. 718 01:00:46,407 --> 01:00:48,697 - Thanks. - I like your mix. 719 01:00:48,698 --> 01:00:51,364 - Eh? - 720 01:00:51,365 --> 01:00:56,989 It's cool. I might use it in my set tonight. Wanna lift? 721 01:00:56,990 --> 01:00:59,655 You and Ginger Pubes. 722 01:00:59,656 --> 01:01:01,740 Be here tonight. 723 01:01:03,198 --> 01:01:04,905 Fuck off. 724 01:01:04,906 --> 01:01:07,198 Thank you. 725 01:01:14,573 --> 01:01:17,322 Mr and Mrs Patterson. 726 01:01:17,323 --> 01:01:18,447 Where's Kev? 727 01:01:18,448 --> 01:01:22,072 - He's in the bedroom. - He's quite upset. 728 01:01:22,073 --> 01:01:23,572 You better make up. 729 01:01:23,573 --> 01:01:26,490 Oh... Oh, yeah... 730 01:01:32,948 --> 01:01:35,073 Hello. 731 01:01:43,698 --> 01:01:46,156 All right, Kev? 732 01:01:49,031 --> 01:01:50,156 Sorry, Kev. 733 01:02:00,531 --> 01:02:03,197 Thanks, Kev. 734 01:02:10,614 --> 01:02:12,572 BOTH SOB 735 01:02:23,822 --> 01:02:25,322 BOTH LAUGH 736 01:02:30,780 --> 01:02:33,406 Why you got a tie on? 737 01:02:33,407 --> 01:02:34,946 I'm going out with my mum and dad. 738 01:02:34,947 --> 01:02:38,154 - Did you have a nice afternoon? - No. 739 01:02:38,155 --> 01:02:41,321 - How about you? - I built a sand castle. 740 01:02:41,322 --> 01:02:46,904 Candice and Gemma got boyfriends. I saw them in the street. 741 01:02:46,905 --> 01:02:48,988 No, they're bum boys. 742 01:02:48,989 --> 01:02:51,613 - What? - I mean gay lovers. 743 01:02:51,614 --> 01:02:52,654 Oh. 744 01:02:52,655 --> 01:02:56,321 I saw them on the beach. They're friends. 745 01:02:56,322 --> 01:02:59,779 - Oh. - And Gemma said I was sensitive. 746 01:02:59,780 --> 01:03:05,155 She wanked at me. I mean winked. Candice said you're all right. 747 01:03:06,197 --> 01:03:09,821 - Candice? - They want to meet us tonight. 748 01:03:09,822 --> 01:03:11,196 Whoa. 749 01:03:11,197 --> 01:03:16,155 Oh! And Eyeball Paul gave me this for you. 750 01:03:17,905 --> 01:03:22,237 I'm really sorry, Kev. I didn't do it on purpose. 751 01:03:22,238 --> 01:03:27,279 I couldn't sleep. I happened to be filming this lizard on a wall. 752 01:03:27,280 --> 01:03:31,404 It crawled into your mum and dad's room. 753 01:03:31,405 --> 01:03:34,529 I didn't notice them doing it, 754 01:03:34,530 --> 01:03:39,279 this lizard was so interesting. And I'm really, really sorry. 755 01:03:39,280 --> 01:03:43,195 Yeah, OK, OK, OK. You saw Eyeball Paul? 756 01:03:43,196 --> 01:03:46,570 - Here, he said our mix was great. - Really? 757 01:03:46,571 --> 01:03:49,695 - He's going to play it tonight! - BOTH: Whoa! 758 01:03:49,696 --> 01:03:51,904 Yeah, man! 759 01:03:58,863 --> 01:04:01,570 - Cool! - Rinsin'! 760 01:04:01,571 --> 01:04:04,195 - Are you coming, Perry? - Mr Patterson? 761 01:04:04,196 --> 01:04:05,362 For a meal. 762 01:04:05,363 --> 01:04:07,988 Oh, yeah. 763 01:04:17,404 --> 01:04:18,528 Euurrrgh! 764 01:04:18,529 --> 01:04:20,903 - Kevin! - What now? 765 01:04:20,904 --> 01:04:25,238 Pick up the tie and give it to me. 766 01:04:25,239 --> 01:04:27,445 - I am not your slave! - See you later! 767 01:04:27,446 --> 01:04:30,071 - He's happy. - He's horrible. 768 01:04:36,946 --> 01:04:41,404 - Can I get in the front with you? - Don't be so pants! 769 01:05:00,112 --> 01:05:04,278 Put that down like that or up like that. 770 01:05:04,279 --> 01:05:06,986 You could put it down like that. 771 01:05:06,987 --> 01:05:09,736 Put it up like that. 772 01:05:09,737 --> 01:05:12,404 I like it like this, though. 773 01:05:15,320 --> 01:05:18,028 HE WHISTLES 774 01:05:20,903 --> 01:05:24,237 Here you are, lads. Your mix. 775 01:05:25,737 --> 01:05:27,694 On white label. 776 01:05:27,695 --> 01:05:28,819 BOTH: Whoa... 777 01:05:28,820 --> 01:05:30,320 Ah! 778 01:05:32,820 --> 01:05:35,153 Can we feel it, please? 779 01:05:36,653 --> 01:05:37,737 Boom. 780 01:05:40,612 --> 01:05:41,903 Oh... 781 01:05:42,903 --> 01:05:44,778 Oh... 782 01:05:54,570 --> 01:05:56,820 HORN BEEPS 783 01:06:00,611 --> 01:06:03,986 - Ladies. - Coming clubbing, ladies? 784 01:06:20,444 --> 01:06:22,277 All right, Candice? 785 01:06:22,278 --> 01:06:24,986 Kevin. 786 01:06:27,861 --> 01:06:32,277 We're playing our new mix tonight, isn't it, Eyeball Paul? 787 01:06:32,278 --> 01:06:36,485 Yeah. Yeah, that's right. 788 01:06:36,486 --> 01:06:38,902 It's on white label now, 789 01:06:38,903 --> 01:06:42,986 but it'll be on general release soon, probably. 790 01:06:48,486 --> 01:06:51,486 Your little minxes look impressed. 791 01:07:01,944 --> 01:07:03,402 TYRES SCREECH 792 01:07:06,611 --> 01:07:08,194 Fuck! 793 01:07:09,861 --> 01:07:13,234 - Baz, you daft bastard! - Sorry, boss. 794 01:07:13,235 --> 01:07:14,734 Jesus! 795 01:07:14,735 --> 01:07:18,651 - Can I sit on your knee? - Yeah. Sure. 796 01:07:18,652 --> 01:07:20,776 Yeah, me, too. 797 01:07:20,777 --> 01:07:24,776 - What was that about? - A puppy in the road. 798 01:07:24,777 --> 01:07:26,609 You should have flattened it! 799 01:07:26,610 --> 01:07:30,276 - BOTH: - No! - You've got to be kind to puppies. 800 01:07:30,277 --> 01:07:32,359 We love all furry animals. 801 01:07:32,360 --> 01:07:36,484 Kevin's sensitive about God's creatures. 802 01:07:36,485 --> 01:07:40,027 - Innit? - It is. And Perry. 803 01:07:56,443 --> 01:07:58,109 Tit! 804 01:07:58,110 --> 01:08:01,234 It's been a fantastic holiday, love. 805 01:08:01,235 --> 01:08:05,276 - Just what we needed. - The boys needed a break. 806 01:08:05,277 --> 01:08:07,651 Isn't that them? 807 01:08:07,652 --> 01:08:11,026 Don't worry, lads. I can manage. 808 01:08:14,776 --> 01:08:18,067 - Let's go in. - Don't be so silly! 809 01:08:18,068 --> 01:08:23,275 They won't see us with all those people. It'll be an experience. 810 01:08:23,276 --> 01:08:25,484 Aren't you curious? 811 01:08:25,485 --> 01:08:30,151 - This is it, Pel. - Kev? Let's mash it up. 812 01:08:38,068 --> 01:08:40,193 DANCE MUSIC 813 01:08:46,859 --> 01:08:48,984 CROWD CHEERS 814 01:09:09,192 --> 01:09:15,026 - How much?! You're joking! - No concessions for senior citizens. 815 01:09:30,484 --> 01:09:32,692 It's so loud! 816 01:09:37,942 --> 01:09:40,317 Right, lads. 817 01:09:43,525 --> 01:09:45,692 Here we go. 818 01:09:48,859 --> 01:09:51,108 RECORD STARTS 819 01:09:51,109 --> 01:09:53,317 CROWD CHEERS 820 01:09:55,234 --> 01:09:57,900 821 01:10:15,983 --> 01:10:18,317 - MRS PATTERSON: - 822 01:10:20,317 --> 01:10:22,858 823 01:10:23,858 --> 01:10:25,566 824 01:10:25,567 --> 01:10:26,483 825 01:10:27,525 --> 01:10:28,858 826 01:10:29,567 --> 01:10:31,982 827 01:10:31,983 --> 01:10:33,858 828 01:10:35,566 --> 01:10:37,108 HE LAUGHS 829 01:10:44,316 --> 01:10:45,649 830 01:10:45,650 --> 01:10:47,524 831 01:10:47,525 --> 01:10:50,107 832 01:10:50,108 --> 01:10:53,690 833 01:10:53,691 --> 01:10:56,065 834 01:10:56,066 --> 01:10:58,857 835 01:10:58,858 --> 01:11:02,108 836 01:11:04,816 --> 01:11:06,316 837 01:11:08,316 --> 01:11:12,524 838 01:11:17,399 --> 01:11:19,565 - I'm famous! - And me! 839 01:11:19,566 --> 01:11:22,733 - BOTH: - We love you! 840 01:11:25,483 --> 01:11:28,149 841 01:11:30,691 --> 01:11:31,816 842 01:11:34,274 --> 01:11:36,106 843 01:11:36,107 --> 01:11:38,273 That's enough of that shit. 844 01:11:38,274 --> 01:11:40,190 CROWD BOO 845 01:11:40,191 --> 01:11:42,106 - No! - Get off! 846 01:11:42,107 --> 01:11:44,566 Dance, you scumbags! 847 01:11:46,607 --> 01:11:49,231 Move, you Balearic bastards! 848 01:11:49,232 --> 01:11:52,606 CROWD CHANTS: "Ooh, Ray! Ooh, Ray!" 849 01:11:52,607 --> 01:11:59,232 Right! You want a piece of this shit? You can each have a bit of it. 850 01:12:00,232 --> 01:12:03,440 - Don't do that, boss. - You're fired! 851 01:12:05,899 --> 01:12:07,857 CROWD CHEERS 852 01:12:09,607 --> 01:12:11,689 CROWD CHANT: "Ooh, Ray! Ooh, Ray!" 853 01:12:11,690 --> 01:12:14,774 Well, lads, it's over to you. 854 01:12:18,899 --> 01:12:21,190 CHANTING CONTINUES 855 01:12:23,107 --> 01:12:25,189 RECORD BEGINS AGAIN 856 01:12:25,190 --> 01:12:26,482 CROWD CHEERS 857 01:12:30,523 --> 01:12:32,564 858 01:12:32,565 --> 01:12:36,857 859 01:12:57,815 --> 01:12:59,731 860 01:13:07,481 --> 01:13:09,773 Oh, Ray... 861 01:13:18,148 --> 01:13:20,314 It's beautiful, innit? 862 01:13:20,315 --> 01:13:24,231 - Like you, innit. - It is. HE LAUGHS 863 01:13:25,231 --> 01:13:29,980 - Is that you shagging on the record? - Yeah. Might be. 864 01:13:29,981 --> 01:13:33,023 - Who's the bird? - My mum. 865 01:13:34,689 --> 01:13:38,188 Oh, no! I mean... I never done it before. 866 01:13:38,189 --> 01:13:41,606 - Er... It wasn't me. - Were you a virgin? 867 01:13:43,814 --> 01:13:45,688 No. 868 01:13:45,689 --> 01:13:47,856 So was I. 869 01:13:50,273 --> 01:13:52,856 HE LAUGHS 870 01:13:53,731 --> 01:13:55,105 Experience! 871 01:13:55,106 --> 01:13:57,063 Yeah? 872 01:13:57,064 --> 01:13:59,271 Have you done it yet? 873 01:13:59,272 --> 01:14:00,438 Yeah. 874 01:14:00,439 --> 01:14:03,521 So have I. 875 01:14:03,522 --> 01:14:06,730 Well done. Wahey! 876 01:14:06,731 --> 01:14:10,355 Here, did you give it to Candice large? 877 01:14:10,356 --> 01:14:14,397 - I think so! - Oi! 878 01:14:19,439 --> 01:14:21,689 GROANING 879 01:15:00,272 --> 01:15:02,855 SHOUTING AND SCREAMING 880 01:15:06,980 --> 01:15:09,562 Sign this! 881 01:15:09,563 --> 01:15:13,147 Thanks. I shagged Kevin before he was famous. 882 01:15:58,521 --> 01:16:03,270 You are not my mate and you are not my fellow DJ! 883 01:16:03,271 --> 01:16:05,562 Goodbye... HE LAUGHS 884 01:16:05,563 --> 01:16:10,896 - Mr and Mrs Patterson, could I have a jam sandwich, please? - SHE LAUGHS 885 01:16:23,854 --> 01:16:29,312 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd